Hope & Hopelessness

He is on the periphory

Always on the lookoutfor a way in

Looking for something to pick on

Something he can cling on to

And when he doesIts like he is glued there

He cannot be shaken off

And when finally his rival creeps in

She somehow loosens his grip

And pushes him back to the periphory

But her grip is not quite so strong

Wearied by the battle

Tossed and turned

And easily dragged away

And he latches on to the gap she has left

And he holds on and holds on

And its a long time before we see her again

She finds it hard to get back

She is afraid of falling off again

And every time she falls

Its a little harder to come back

And I miss her

And I hate him

Her name: Hope

His name: Hoplessness

My Other Self

I'm watching myself interact,

Playing the fool,

Making the jokes,

Laughing out loud,

Talking the talk.

I'm seeing the lies I portray,

Knowing the pretense,

Playing the game,

Feeling the hypocrisy,

Watching the show.

I'm hoping I can't be seen,

The real me,

The fear I have,

The sadness I know,

The battle I contend with,

The scars I hide,

The pain I feel,

The truth I can't tell.

Feeling Good

The sound of laughter,

The squeeze of a shoulder,

The wisdom of an elder,

That's what makes me feel good.

A friend my my side,

A wink from a guy,

A hug from behind,

That's what makes me feel good.

Holding a hand,

A gift from a friend,

A kiss on the head,

That's what makes me feel good.

Meaningless

The whole of life is completely meaningless.
Going about our business,
Trying to somehow feel that we are significant,
Trying to leave our mark.
To stand and be counted,
To say 'I was here'.
But really, its all just meaningless.

Who really notices what I do anyway?
And who really cares except me?
I delude myself into thinking I can make a difference,
I can be significant.
Really all I am trying to do is shout out to the world,
To say there is purpose in my existence.
But the only purpose in that is to satisfy my own needs.
To make myself feel worth something.

Its all really just meaningless.
A chasing after the wind.
A search for significance in a place that will forget us so quickly,
When we are gone.
What is the point in living?
I don't see the need to be here!
I know people would be sad for me if I am gone,
But except to spare them that pain,
There is no other reason to stick around.

Except that God has created me,
So he must want me here.
I don't understand why!
Is he really so loving?
If He were, would He have put us here?
I am glad He made me so I can know Him,
But I don't see the point in this world.
Bring on the next.

Is the whole of life just meaningless?
I really can't make a difference to the next.
And what is the point in spiritual growth
In being put through trials and tests to strengthen our faith,
If we are going to be perfect in heaven?
Isn't it all just meaningless?
A chasing after the wind?

Change My Heart

Lord you know me as I am

You know my sin and shame

And yet you know I want to be holy

Spirit of God, change my heart.

You know Lord that I am proud

And that I seek recognition

And yet you know I want to be humble

Spirit of God change my heart.

Father GOd, you know I am defensive

You know I like to be 'right'

And yet you know my deepest insecurities.

Spirit of God, change my heart.

You Oh God are aware of my desires

And the materialism I seek after

And yet you know I want you to be first in my life

Spirit of God, change my heart.

Lord you know my routine sucks

You know I give you too little time

And yet you know I want to develop a deep, loving relationship with you

Spirit of God, change my heart.

Lord you made me, You know me intimately,

You know my thoughts and see my heart

You know my shortcomings and my desires

Spirit of God, change my heart.

The Tunnel

The air thickens

The noise increases

The light begins to hurt my eyes

And all ahead I see the walls

Getting narrower and narrower

They seem to never end

Closing in on me

Keeping me prisoner

Trapped

No escape, nowhere to run

There are no hiding places here

No crevices to curl up in

I can't hide

I can't escape

I am on public display

But alone in this bright

Far too bright

Tunnel

It's Yours

Father God, here I am,

I kneel before you with open hands,

Here to receive, here to give,

Here to offer this life I live.

Father God, I humbly bow,

I'm ready to give it all up now,

It's yours to take, Yours to heal,

Yours to change, no conditions, no deals.

Father God, I give you the praise,

You've brought me through this disobedient phase,

All the honour, all the glory,

All thanks is yours, this is my story.

Father God, whatever you ask,

Whatever you want will become my task,

No one excuse, not one complaint,

Whatever it takes to become your saint.